Miracle
by SamanthaRain
Summary: "It's a lie, you know? Everything of it, all of this is one, big lie. Everyone of them, they all are pretending they don't care, that they aren't affected and the biggest liar of all of them is me." Songfic based on "Miracle" by Hurts (OS, Johnlock)


**_Author's note: _**_This is an OS based on the wonderful song "Miracle" by Hurts. Please excuse any mistakes since I'm German and therefore I don't speak English fluently. Betaed by Urahara-girl. I'd love to hear your thoughts of it ;-)_

_Oh, and I chaned the lyrics a tiny bit... (girl - boy)_

**_Miracle_**

by

_Sam96_

Ghosts don't exist.  
That's nonsense.  
If they did, you could buy them, right?  
I mean, that's how it works...  
Maybe I simply lost my mind._  
John H. Watson - lost his mind after his best friend's death  
_They wouldn't write the doctor title on my gravestone because people hardly award good qualities to ones who gone mad.  
How can it be then that you are standing here beside me, staring down at your own gravestone? You don't even look at me but the sadness on your features shows that you are aware of my presence.  
Do you regret, Sherlock?

_Talk to me boy, tell me your lies_  
_Let your secrets have no ties._

I bet you had many secrets during your lifetime. Most of them you probably kept from me, the people who believed they knew you and have to realise - now that you aren't here anymore - that none of them knew even the slightest thing about you.  
For a short, vanishing moment, I am closing my eyes, allow your hand to touch my skin and I'm giving in to the illusion that keeps telling me that you're hand is really here.

_Cause the light will never shine on this heart of mine_  
_And the love we sacrificed._

It's a lie, you know?  
Everything of it, all of this is one, big lie.  
Everyone of them, they all are pretending they don't care, that they aren't affected and the biggest liar of all of them is me.  
Why are we always realising too late that there was stuff that should have been said?  
"I love you."  
I cannot hold it back any longer.  
I have got to say it as long as I can be sure that you are close enough to hear it.  
My mind must have left my body miles behind itself because I am really imagining that your hand on my shoulder suqeezes it lightly as if you wanted to reassure me.

_Look at all of the damage you have done, in time_  
_You can see what a savage I've become in my eyes._

Were you aware of what you'd leave behind?  
No, probably not.  
You didn't care that your heart would break.  
How could you be so egoistic to not think of mine?  
Suddenly, the wind grazes my cheek with a chilliness that seems unnaturally, cutting into my skin like a razor blade.  
When I wipe over my skin with shaking hands I am surprised to find them unharmed but then I feel the trace of tears.  
I lost count of all the times I cried during the last hours but the emptiness grows more and more gaping, more and more demanding for something to fill it.

_If you look in my heart you will find no love, no light, no end in sight,_  
_And I'm looking for a miracle, and I'm looking for a miracle._  
_But I hope, I pray and I will fight,_  
_'Cause I'm looking for a miracle, I am looking for a miracle._

"I was so alone and I owe you so much and ... nobody will ever convince me that you told me a lie."  
It's time to let you go, allow you your well deserved peace you probably won't ever find.  
"One more thing, Sherlock, one more thing, one more miracle. Don't ... be ... dead. Stop it! Just stop this! Would you do this for me? Just for me?"  
Suddenly, you're standing behind the gravestone, smiling sadly at me, muted apologies and resignation mirroring in your gaze and I am closing my eyes again, let the tears roll over me.

_There's a place I wanna go and a life I wanna know_  
_But you crucified my heart of gold._

While I am walking away through a grey sea of gravestones I am sensing your gaze clearly on my back but I resist the temptation to turn around because I wouldn't be able to leave.  
A heart of gold - maybe Myroct was right after all.

_"I am sorry, Dr. Watson. I know that you are blaming yourself because you own a heart of gold but this time you haven't got anything to blame yourself for."_

I don't believe him because I know that he is wrong.  
You would be amused by all of this, wouldn't you? Your brother, the brirtish gouvernment being wrong.  
People are dull, Sherlock.

_But oh, look at all of the damage you have done in time_  
_If you offer salvation I will run into your arms._

London passes without being noticed.  
During the last days, I didn't get to see much of the city that meant so much to you.  
Are you aware of the sea of shards you're leaving behind?  
I don't think I will ever be able to walk through the streets of London without seeing the battlefield you so honourably died on.  
Yes, Sherlock, in my eyes you still are a hero.  
Call me an idiot - not even you could deny the truth.

_And deep in my heart you will find no love, no light, no end in sight._  
_And I'm looking for a miracle, and I'm looking for a miracle._  
_But I hope, I pray and I will fight!_  
_Cause I'm looking for a miracle, cause I'm looking for a miracle._

Baker Street.  
221b Baker Street.  
I hate unlocking the door knowing you won't stand behind it.  
For the first time in all the months we lived together, I hate stepping into these rooms.  
You probably won't know but all the times I left our flat due to one of our fights I was looking forward to the moment or coming home again and knowing that you were there.

I don't enter the living room because there is a sudden tiredness consuming me, bone-crushing and without thinking about it I am walking down the hall, open the door at the end of it and lie down on the soft bed.  
It may be imagination but the sheets are still warm under my hands and I am hiding my face inside until your smell befuddles me.  
A miracle, Sherlock, just for me?

_Miracle..._  
_I am looking for a miralce!_

"John?"  
Too much time went by.  
Too many things changed.  
Too many hallucinations imprisoned my dreams than for simply believing you now.  
Too many years passed me, you, us.  
"Sherlock."  
I don't know why I'm whispering. Maybe you do that when you're dead...

_No love, no light, no end in sight …_  
_And I'm looking for a miracle, I am looking for a miracle!_  
_But I hope, I pray and I will fight..._

Suddenly there are arms around my shaking body, a whispering voice in my war and a beating heart against my chest.  
Ghosts don't exist.  
Hallucinations don't exist.  
Today, there are not even dreams.  
Only a miracle.

_Cause I'm looking for a miracle!_  
_Cause I'm looking for a miracle!_


End file.
